Ready When You Are

I watched Soul Surfer again last night. (If you haven't seen it yet, what are you waiting for???)

I saw something I hadn't seen before … in the part where Bethany makes the decision to surf again. She had tried to surf in the one competition but after having a hard time with maneuvering her board, she gave up. She wasn't ready - physically or emotionally. But after her trip to Thailand and allowing herself time to grieve and get a different perspective on the tragedy, she returned and went to her dad saying, "I need your help."

With a huge smile on his face, her dad reaches up and grabs the modified board that would answer her struggles. He had already worked on it. He had it ready for when she was ready. He truly was her biggest fan and wanted to see her compete and do this thing that brought her so much joy. At first he struggled to try to push her to go back into the water, but ended up finding wisdom in giving her time and space she needed to sort through the emotions and decision on her own.

However, he did not just sit idly by waiting for her process. He had hope even when she didn't have hope. He had an answer even when she was flooded with confusion. It was there the whole time…waiting for her. Seeing the depth of joy when she finally came back to him ready to move forward again, overwhelmed me.

Bethany had found her passion in life. She tapped into something that brought her great happiness and satisfaction. And in a moment of time it was taken away.

I can relate to her pain. I loved to write. There were times sitting down to my computer that I would be crying my eyes out while the keys pecked along. What would move my readers, moved me. Other times consisted of laughter, doubt, anger, silliness…the full range. I was always amazed how the tiniest of thoughts could grow and turn into something with great color and life on a simple page.

My tragedy struck just months before my dream of publishing a book would begin. My first project was going to be a joint effort for my father and I, who also had always wanted to publish a book. We had decided to do it together and we were preparing for our first pitch to a handful of publishing companies.

On June 2, 2007 I received the most life altering phone call of my life. Dad was dead. He had collapsed at work and was gone instantly.

As an answer to my grief and shock, I pushed forward with the project. I kept going because I knew that was what Dad would want me to do. And after all, it was also my Heavenly Father's project as well. I couldn't let Him down either. The end result was truly a miracle! In fact, that was even the title … The Miracle of You … though underneath the success of publishing my first book was a sadness and heartache I couldn't resolve.

I made attempts at regaining the fire, the glow that would come after a session at the keyboard, but to no avail. I thought my problem was that I needed a regimen or a cause, it was never just for the pure joy anymore. My publishers wanted another book, but I didn't have the drive in me any more. I was exhausted and spent.

Somehow over the last year, the tide began to change. I actually had the thought of starting this blog several months back, but wasn't ready. And then last night when I saw Bethany go to her Dad and ask for help, God showed me that He had my board ready. He's been working on it this whole time. I didn't have to go down the road of guilt thinking too much time has passed or that it would never be the same. I just needed to go for it.

And here we are … a new start. No promises, no guarantees, but a start nonetheless. I plan to write. Some days are going to be good and I know some will be bad, but I want to try again.

Our family is undertaking one of the greatest adventures of our lives and I've wanted to share it with you, but just haven't felt ready. Today I feel ready, only because I know He was ready all along…just waiting for me to say, "Dad, I need your help."